Looking back I can now see that from that point on something shifted, and eventually those voices were drowned out by brain fog, pain and fatigue. I ended up getting pretty sick, with tonsillitis IBS, and eventually being diagnosed at seventeen with chronic fatigue syndrome/M.E amongst other things, it was the start of a downhill spiral. These health challenges eventually led to me being fully bed-bound for many months. I literally needed help to be carried to the bathroom, and as a teenager that seriously sucks. I remember looking out of my bedroom window, having been in bed for months, at my friends living their lives, being invited out to parties and going out on dates with guys, I couldn't even walk to the bathroom let alone go out the front door. I felt so desperate, so ill and that was the lead up to my eighteenth birthday, not the celebration I had imagined.
All of my twenties were a daily battle of symptoms, whilst my fierce will kept me trying to live my life, there was this unassailable force driving me, a deep calling within me to be more, make a difference and do something more with my life, so I was either working or sleeping and nothing much else.
"I was aching to be expressed, to let out this voice that felt locked deep within me, this expression I longed for, this part of me I didn't know how to reach. I was completely lost and my health was a great reflection of that inner journey"
"We all have our inner battles, our demons to fight - or face"
Eventually after years of learning, getting support and making big changes I recovered to a certain degree from the debilitating conditions by my early thirties and was able to create a business serving others, but I wasn't out the woods.
I still had many limitations that led me to only being able to drink water, and I was limited to the same eight foods, eating the same thing for breakfast lunch and dinner for the past seven years. The limitations and symptoms made no sense, the fear and tension of not knowing why, or what to do was excruciating to deal with every single day, as whatever I tried seemed to make me worse.
This condition called me to surrender deeply as no supplement, or treatment helped, in fact making me worse, so I had to hand it over to the divine for answers, and was guided on a shamanic path, but boy has it been an initiation in my will, courage and vulnerability, more on this later.
So back to the journey.....