“It Was A Journey Of Losing Myself To Find Myself”
The Teenage Years…..
When I was 13 years old I remember so clearly sitting on my bed with my mum crying my eyes out saying “I hear these voices talking to me, I don’t understand what’s going on, if it’s all in my head, am I just talking to myself, I don’t know what or who this is, I feel like I’m going mad”. My mums response was ‘it’s OK sweetheart – we all talk to ourselves sometimes”, neither of us understanding that I was actually accessing a higher realms and other dimensions.
The truth was, whilst I was running my business and looking 'successful', I was getting sick again - helping others to get well
From the outside world I looked happy and successful, I was putting on a brave face to the world but I was living on autopilot. I had a fabulous flat, a convertible car, a business that was making an impact in the world, I thought I was 'on purpose'. I was running seminars, workshops, trainings, coaching and mentoring programmes, but most of the time I was actually 'running the business and the team' not doing what I loved at all.
I wasn’t being real, authentic or living my truth. I remember the day I was sitting in my beautiful flat I had created for myself, falling apart, crying so deeply I thought I would never stop, I felt so lost, scared, sick and deeply deeply depressed. I felt like a fraud, I didn't know who I was, I had to stop, but I had no idea how to get out, I would let so many people down, wouldn't have an income and felt too ill to know what to do. I felt trapped, a life full of responsibilities, it felt completely impossible, and I felt like I should just be grateful for what I have.
So how did I get out of this trap?
I let go, I let go of it all, I died to my old life, I surrendered and I walked away from my business, my home, the comfort of my family and friends, I sold everything and followed my intuitive insights that led me to Cape Town – South Africa.
It was the most terrifying and heart wrenching thing I had ever experienced. I let go of my business that I had poured my heart and soul into for three years, I walked away from my income, my clients, my family and I had no idea of what was next.
BUT – I now had some training under my belt that gave me access to a deeper wisdom, a trust in myself and my heart, so I knew the truth of my next steps despite how I felt and what I thought, I choose love and truth over fear…. This led me to the next steps and the next…. and so my adventures began.
Over the next few years I dedicated my time, energy and money into training and really dived deep into Alchemy, Intuition, and the creative process. I had the most incredible shamanic adventures, amazing safaris in Africa, and have made some lifelong friends along the way.
As I came face to face with myself, my shadow and my dark side, I opened up to my heart my truth and my inner genius. I finally started hearing those voices I lost access to at thirteen.
Those voices were my soul whispering, the other realms communicating with my heart, I just had no idea what to do with it at the time. I had to learn to receive them and speak the same language.
I died to so much of myself, shed some deep layers and gave birth to a more real, vulnerable authentic me. I felt like I was coming back to life slowly. I started coaching in this new way of living and creating and went on to give hundreds of super-conscious readings as I worked alongside some powerful authors, creators and visionaries, as I continued to master the art of living and creating from our genius consciousness. I was so incredibly grateful for all of this training, as one of the toughest times of my life was just around the corner.
As I was about to board the plane from Cape Town to the UK my phone rang…
My brother asked me to pass the phone to my partner. He told him to hold me as he told me that they didn’t think my dad was going to make it, I had eighteen hours on a plane and no idea if my dad would be alive when I got to the other side.
When I landed he was gone. It completely broke my heart open, he was an amazing dad, and I miss him deeply. But his loss compelled me more than ever to dedicate the rest of my life to living my truth in his honour. I felt the pain deeply, but I used it to compel me toward creating and being of service to the world from my deepest truest calling, I realised that life is shorter than we think, and we don’t have time to waste hiding or waiting….
My dad’s story is a powerful lesson that can inspire others to create change and a new path in life and one I am dedicated to sharing. His death taught me so much about the power of making choices from fear or love.
My dad was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer, the doctors telling him he would never clear it from his body, he would be lucky to have 10 years, and through working with me on some of his unconscious programmes, and making massive dietary and lifestyle changes, alongside Chemo, he did, he was cancer free.
But the doctors told him it would come back (the same doctor who said it would never go) and that he should have a bone marrow transplant just in case. And during his treatment he got pneumonia. He died of pneumonia and had NO Cancer in his body. He made a choice out of fear and trusted the doctor instead of his own body and his own truth. What if he were more aware of what was driving his choices, if he had access to his higher truth and trusted himself, he may have had the ability to make a different choice, who knows.
That is one of the reasons I am here – and sharing my heart, story and teachings with you, because you are still here and you still have a choice.
“I had to die to everything I thought I knew before I was ready to bring this vision to life”
Having spent over fifteen years coaching and training people in the personal and spiritual development arena, I had to let go of so many of the concepts I held, as they no longer resonated with the new truth I now had access to. I then spent the next few years as a super-conscious coach and supported my clients to create massive shifts and transformations. Yet there was something missing, as many of them were still struggling and not creating at their fullest potential. I witnessed so many people having been trained and coached that were still not fully embodying their power and living their truth, and for myself personally, as much as I was creating powerfully in many areas of my life, I knew there was still something missing.
"Men and sex scared the s**t out of me. Now it was time to get Turned On for REAL..... and face my next BIG demons"
Love eluded me my entire life, I was petrified of men, intimacy, and only dated a few guys in my late twenties, a guy friend of mine once said its like you have “F**K off written on your forehead’ I had no chance. Until I discovered my unconscious programmes that were expelling men instead of attracting them, I was fighting a losing battle. I was so shut down, disconnected and scared that I never had a relationship until I was in my thirties.
Once I discovered this and learnt the tools to shift the power - I walked straight in his front door.....
xxx
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